Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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