I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize