i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Randomize
