Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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