What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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