yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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