I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
