K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
