I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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