i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
