So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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