this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
