he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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