Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
