I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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