brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We smell like vodka and hangover
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
