dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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