Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
