do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
