Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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