Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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