I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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