I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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