I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
