It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
