loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
