i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
