I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
