I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
