My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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