Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
