Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
