the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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