I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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