Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
