You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
