Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
