i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
