My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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