I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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