Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
