Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
