Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
