Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
