The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
