Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

You just made me feel so damn special

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(818): View more from California

dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high

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(416): View more from Toronto

We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

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(616): View more from Michigan

i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.

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(607): View more from New York

You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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(641): View more from Iowa

I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.

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(719): View more from Colorado

The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.

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