So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
