Your face is a jimmy john
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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