DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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