ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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