yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
