dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
