That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
