woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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