Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
