It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
