just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize