The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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