do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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