I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
