my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
