She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
