i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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