Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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