Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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