Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it because I queefed?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
