"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize