There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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