You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
