I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My feet surprised me
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