Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
