found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drake has all the answers
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
