Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
