I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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