Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
