What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
